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Stupid Quotes


Please provide the date of your death.

IRS letter

I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes.

Richard (Dicky) Nixon

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?

Lee Iacocca

A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on.

Samuel Goldwyn

We understand the importance of having bondage between parents and their children.

Dan Quayle

The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman.

Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields

We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce.

Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.

Batman costume warning label

The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others.

Gerry Brown

I have opinions of my own—strong opinions—but I don't always agree with them.

George Bush

I was provided with addtional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version.

Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover.

Parish Magazine

We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally.

Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.

Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents.

George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.

Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.

Dwight Eisenhower

Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.

Sen. Chris Dodd (D, Conn.), on the Don Imus show, on campaigning

If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.

Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

The Stupidist Things Ever Said By Politicians.

by Ross and Kathryn Petras

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.

Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, Calif.)

Many of these quotes come from Ross and Kathryn Petras' book The Stupidist Things Ever Said By Politicians.