Computer Stupidities

Dragonizer · Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:53 pm Post subject: Computer Stupidities

Alright, a friend of mine just showed me a site with a bunch of great quotes and such. These deal with paranoid idiots and computers. =D

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" About a year ago, a customer from Roswell, NM, called in to place an order. To break the ice, I jokingly asked if he or any of his neighbors had seen any aliens lately. The guy laughed and proceeded to tell me all about the crazies (his word, not mine) that not only live in Roswell but who come on vacation there in hopes of seeing a UFO themselves. As he talked, I processed the order, and the last bit of information I needed to complete it was the guy's email address for marketing purposes.

Customer: Email! I won't have anything to do with that Internet or modems of any sort! You should be careful about those. Don't you know that once you install a modem, the government can look into your computer and watch everything you do? That's why every night before I go to bed, I turn the monitor to the wall. "

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" Once I helped a friend get online for the first time.

* Me: Ok, do you have your Internet Explorer ope--
* Him: What!? Your Internet EXPLODED?"

He was hysterical. I explained it all to him, but he was still terrified. Later, when I was done showing him how to surf the web, he asked:

* Him: Are you sure the Internet is safe to use? "

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" Customer: I think I've broken my computer! There's a message across the screen that says: 'It is now safe to turn off your PC.' WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?! "

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" A customer called saying he was getting an error in Windows 95. He told me what the error was, and I recognized this as a typical error that occurs after installing MS Office 97.

* Tech Support: Sir, did you just install Office 97?
* Customer: YOU'RE IN MY COMPUTER, AREN'T YOU????? (click) "

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" At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up. "

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" I work as a computer tech at a community college. Most of our computers are currently running Windows 95. One day, an officer from our security department stopped by to talk to me. His face looked grim. He pulled me quietly aside.

* Officer: We have a new part time person working in our office who uses the computer, and I have to ask you something, but you need to keep this confidential.
* Me: Ok, what's the problem?
* Officer: Well, over the past two or three days I've glanced over at the new person's computer, and several times I've seen a message that says 'You have performed an illegal operation,' but he keeps clearing it by clicking something. I need to find out what he's doing wrong and if we should call the local police.

He looked so scared and serious, I had a hard time containing my laughter. "

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" The second day I worked doing phone tech support, I was called by an elderly woman who was sobbing and panicked. After spending twenty minutes getting her calmed down, I finally found out what her problem was. She had been on the Internet and received the ever-popular message 'This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.' Immediately afterward, she had heard police sirens down the road and thought, 'They're coming to lock me up!' "