That'll do Pig, that'll do.

Unclever title · Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 8:16 pm Post subject: That'll do Pig, that'll do.

I once visited my cousin Jed, he's got a farm out in the country, a small one but he's got a few animals too. I was helping him load some straw in the barn when I saw that his pig, his only pig as I remember it, had four peg legs. Naturally I found this very odd, so I asked him, "How did your pig lose it's legs?"

And so he asked me, "Well, that's an interesting story, you sure you want to hear it?"

"What else have we got to do while we're here?"

"Okay I'll tell you," he took a deep breath and began, "Well I was out in the woods hunting ducks, and you know, I don't have any dogs anymore, so I brought my pig out with me to bring back the ducks I fired down. I got to the clearing and everything was fine, my good ol' pig here ran back each of the twenty ducks I shot out o' the sky. But then, out o' the clear blue, lightning struck a tree on fire and it fell over on top of me, pinning down my legs! I sure thought I was don fer, but all of a sudden I feel a tug on the back of my shirt and my pig, bless his little hooves, started to pull me out from under the tree, saved my life he did, he managed to pull me all the way out into a clearing where I had room to roll around and pat down the flames."

"So did your pig lose his legs then, did they burn up in the fire?"

"Nope, those flames would a roasted him."

"So how did your pig lose his legs?"

"Well there was this other time, when I was out in the fields with my tractor harvesting the wheat, when I ran across a large rock I didn't know was there, now it didn't do too much to the tractor but it clean threw me out of my seat, and would ya believe I landed in the worst possible spot? Yessir, right in front of the tractor, and I couldn't get out of the way in time and the tractor began running over my legs. Well I could say I was unlucky, but that would be a lie, cause somehow even before I hit that rock, my pig was already on his way, and came to my rescue, not in time to save me from injury, but in enough time to save my life again."

"So is that how your pig lost his legs, did he get caught in the tractor after saving you?"

"Nope, those blades would a butchered him."

"Then how did your pig lose his legs?"

"Well this other time, late at night I had woken up to get a bite to eat, cause my stomach was growlin. So I went downstairs and all of a sudden heard glass breaking, but it was too late for me to grab anything as I got shot in the knee and then hit over the back of the head, and all went black for a little while. When I came to my pig had taken down one of the thugs, and rammed into the other one smacking his head into the wall knocking him out cold. Now my head was a little woozy, so I'm not too sure how accurate this is but then I'm pretty sure I saw my pig jump up and grab the phone and dial 911 with his hooves and squealed into the phone. The police came soon after and I was taken to the hospital and patched all up. While in the hospital the police came in and started asking about my wife."

"Your wife? You don't have a wife."

"That's what I told them, just me and my pig, but they insisted a woman had called them and frantically given them my address. I told them again, and a few days later I was back at home with my pig."

"So did your pig lose his legs in the break in? Was he shot?"

"Course not, then he'd a been a stuck pig."

"Jed, you've got one amazing pig, that I can clearly see, but how on earth did your pig lose his legs!?" He took a moment before answering with a happy smile,

"Well, with a pig like that... you can't eat it all at once."